The Migrant Questionnaire #1 | Barbs

"Some people track their age in years but I like to track mine in places visited. I would be 10 countries old."

The first edition of the Migrant Questionnaire is here! 

Leaving one’s home and discovering other cultures is both brave and an uniquely personal experience. Starting today, I’ll bring you a mosaic of stories and insights on roaming the world from other expats and migrants — all through this Migrant Questionnaire. And we’ll also bust some expat-life myths along the way.

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My first guest is Barbs Honeycutt. She writes the newsletter Where are you from, and why? — check it out and if inclined, subscribe here. Just from that publication name, you might guess she knows a thing or two about being in foreign lands.

Grazie mille, Barbs, for being the first one to agree to answer my questionnaire!

Photo: Barbs Honeycutt

Where were you born and in what places have you lived since then?

I was born in the mountains between Italy and Austria. I may not be your usual expat as I acquired my migrant status gradually and almost without realising it.

My horizons opened when I took a solo trip to Japan, while I was at Uni. The following summer, I spent a month in Manchester, England, to attend an English course. In reality, it was an opportunity to experience life abroad with a safety net. When I won a scholarship to study in Durham, England, for my final year of University, I was thrilled to live my ‘Hogwarts’ dreams. However, upon returning home, I realized how differently I viewed life back home compared to my friends. They felt protected by those tall mountains, I felt claustrophobic and in a constant state of waiting for my life to begin so one day I took a flight to Australia holding a one-year working holiday visa.

I would have never thought Melbourne would become my second home and I am now a dual citizen.

How long have you lived outside your country of birth?

Some people track their age in years but I like to track mine in places visited. I would be 10 countries old, as it’s quite common for Europeans to travel to nearby countries even on school trips or on holiday.

I’ve always thought I hadn’t lived abroad much since I never even considered moving long-term until well into my 20s, but I spent 10 years abroad (9 of those in Australia alone). That’s about a third of my life! Not enough to make me forget my mother tongue, or lose touch with my friends from home.

However, I understand how so many years may feel overwhelming to some, especially if the place you moved to doesn’t feel like home and you miss your roots.

How did you go about making connections and friends in the new places you lived?

What I am about to say may not fit with the romantic ideal of the free traveller, but the main reason I came to Australia was an Aussie boyfriend.

I consider myself very lucky that his existing social network has now become mine too. I would have likely struggled to build strong connections in a work environment.

From studying in England, I can say that living with other foreign students makes it much easier to make friends. The old UK gang still keeps in touch via a wild group chat, where we regularly check in to see where people are and to plan the next reunion!

If connecting with people is important to you, consider attending a class. For example, language classes are great for connecting with other foreigners or joining clubs will put you in touch with others within your age group and location who share the same hobby.

What was your biggest cultural shock?

Landing in Melbourne was a culture shock in itself, especially coming from a small town. 

My very first impression of Australia, other than the obvious driving on the wrong side of the road, was how everyone greeted me with a friendly and mandatory “G’day! How’s it going?”. You see, in Italy, small talk is not the norm. Being surrounded by outgoing people felt excessive at first but it's preferable to the daily catcalls.

Another adjustment was getting used to Australia’s relationship with royalty and its complex history. British Colonialists erased every trace of Aboriginal culture leaving modern Australians assaulted by guilt. This is evident in the “Acknowledgement of Country” ritual, where every public event, from cinema screenings to work meetings, begins with a recognition that the land originally belonged to First Nations peoples and that we pay respect to them. It’s almost like the classic American Thanksgiving celebration, but every day and without stuffed turkey.

If we had a similar practice back in my hometown we would be acknowledging a long list of historical inhabitants. Could you imagine? From Celts, Romans, Visigoths, Western Roman Empire, Odoacer, the Ostrogothic Kingdom, the Byzantine Empire, the Lombard Kingdom, Bavaria, the Frankish Kingdom, the Holy Roman Empire, the Austrian Empire, Austria-Hungary to, finally, Italy. 

When did you feel the most as an outsider and why?

Thanks to my Mediterranean look and black attire I’ve never felt like an outsider in Melbourne. I simply blend in without people questioning my background. This was different from my time in Japan, where I could only ever be seen as a tourist, or in England, where fitting in with the locals was a struggle. 

However, looks aside, there was one situation when I felt I didn’t belong and questioned my true self. I was playing Cards Against Humanity with my new Aussie friends and, during the whole game, nobody found my cards funny. I just had to select pre-made answers and failed miserably. Fair enough, some slang words were new to me but maybe I was simply not funny in English and needed to accept that.

I thought Australia broke my comedy skills but when I played the same card game in Italy with my lifetime friends I won almost all rounds. This must sound weird to those who speak only one language, but I know I am funnier in Italian.

What was a favorite journey you took?

The most memorable journey has to be the bus ride we took in high school to visit Avignon, France. I don’t know who thought that 40 high school students riding on a bus for over 8 hours was a good idea, but it was!

We did stop in Nice, which was nice (haha). During those endless hours without smartphones or on-board entertainment, we had to make do with what we had: iPods and books. I introduced my bestie to the Japanese music I was obsessed with and she liked a song so much that we played it on repeat until my player’s battery died. That song is still one of my favourite travelling songs. If you are interested, look up ‘Hitoiro’ by Mika Nakashima.

After that, we made fun of each other with the alternative and nerdy kids by exchanging books and reading random passages out loud. I never knew Jack Kerouac, Henri Miller, Irvine Welsh, and Christiane F. could make us laugh so much.

Tell me about an inner journey you had to take while adapting to a new place.

I had years to reflect on Italians’ deeply rooted beliefs and behaviours. These are often food-related, which says a lot about our moral system.

Social media recently started portraying some of our everyday habits as a fun Italian quirk, like how angry we get when people put pineapple on pizza and drink cappuccino with their meals. The truth is that we grew up thinking ‘our way’ was the only possible human approach.

Luckily, migrants from the Mediterranean region are Melbourne’s societal backbone, so Italians’ moral aversion to bad food practices is largely supported. But there are habits dictated by our laidback laziness that I had to correct to be seen as a decent human being.

Here, I had to start saying hi to people and asking how they were, paying attention to signage, and learning about queue etiquette. Australians love following rules, while Italians prefer cutting corners. For example, what’s called “jaywalking” in Australia (and it’s illegal) is just “crossing the street” in Italy.

Where do you feel most at home today, and why?

When I arrived in Melbourne, I knew I was exactly where I wanted to be.

I haven’t felt that anywhere before, especially not in my hometown since I returned from my travels. Of course, at first, I viewed Melbourne through rose-tinted glasses, excited by everything the city had to offer. With the boyfriend by my side, I felt safe and thrilled to discover a different side of myself with a sense of freedom. Now, after almost ten years, the novelty has faded. I have a working routine and see Melbourne more clearly. I see the inequalities in society and how difficult it is to form deep friendships as an adult.

No place is perfect, and home depends on what you value most. For me, it’s the freedom to be myself without having my every choice judged against a lifetime of habits.

What is one myth about the expat life that you’d like to bust?

I’m not sure if you’d consider it a myth that knowing the language is enough to move to a new place. Speaking the local language is only the tip of the iceberg.

I kept my migration to English-speaking countries but I quickly learned that, behind a simple joke, there is a substrate of history, pop culture, and society, nearly impossible for a newcomer to know.

Another thing one may think is that your personality would stay the same when moving abroad. I’m sorry to report that studies have shown how language changes personality, ethics, and sense of humour. I act and think more professionally in English because my whole working career has been in Australia. I even struggle to explain to my family, in Italian, what my job is.

What tips would you give to a person who is contemplating emigrating for the first time?

Here are two tips:

First: ‘Leave things behind’. You have no idea what your new life will look like, or what new self you will take on. The more objects you leave behind, the less physical baggage you will have to carry. Also, in a spooky way, should something happen to me I’d like to think that those items will tie me to this world and allow me to exist as a ghostly presence. I’d be haunting my family with midnight sessions of Evanescence and Britney Spears like a true Millennial ghost.

The second tip: ‘You can’t have it all’.

• You can have the freedom to choose where you would like to live, but your family will be far away.

• You can have everything you ever wanted at your fingertips, but no objects from your past.

• You can live the life you’ve always dreamed of, but nobody will understand your whole personality.

• You can have a fulfilling career, but miss your best friends’ life celebrations.

• You can be spiritually free but have to deal with more bureaucracy than you’d ever expected.

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