"I let myself dream because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew perfectly well that reality would hit me soon enough and I’d need to start looking for a job in my native country."
Ha, different countries and different story, but I relate to that.
I heard that the reverse culture shock is quite a challenge when you move back to your country of origin. But I guess it depends on the time spent abroad.
The cultural differences in my case were small enough to not really be an issue, even after close to four years; the tricky thing was wrapping my head around some personal changes that came with it, almost as if going back was admitting defeat (which, in hindsight, wasn't true at all).
Ohh I see, well that's a bit part of it, isn't it? Even the expression we use: going *back* home. Glad to hear it all got sorted, since now you're sparkling, even if subtly. ;)
This is a fascinating story about your experience emigrating to the US! It's interesting how you compare the initial "dream" of moving to a new country with the reality of the challenges you faced. I can see how exciting it must have been to get accepted to all those universities, but also how tough it must have been to leave everything behind. It's a great point about how people who haven't emigrated often don't understand the internal struggles of adapting to a new culture.
So many great quotes in here Monica, here are two that really hit home:
"Having no social threads older than a few weeks or months. The different cultural norms and office politics. Learning the acceptable customs and especially what is unacceptable. All that is oversimplified. Loneliness is downplayed. All hardships are trivialized by the non-immigrants, in favor of economic opportunity. The mirage of having more money dwarfs any other hardship in the eyes of the ones who never left."
"The next biggest expectation is that you lose the right to complain. Reminiscing about our tribal times when a leaver was either endangered or pitied, you’re seen partly as a traitor and partly as the lucky bastard who got out."
Wait, I just remembered from one of your articles that you did! Australia and Italy. Sorry, my memory failed me for a moment there... (Well, ok, I went back and I checked because there was something in the back of my mind that nudged me that I must have read you did live in other places) :)
fabulous insight! Oh so much truth in your words! I think there is an added layer of luxury, luck AND internal conflict in considering your new home even BETTER than your original home.
Thanks, Barbs! Very good point, some people might experience some guilt, or that internal conflict, of being somewhere better. Do they even have the right to admit it? I know what you mean...
I could restack every sentence! Such incredible insights that are so similar to many I have heard.
Personally, When I complained I was told “we told you, come back life is better here” 🙄a very different experience leaving a country so many are trying to migrate to ( so I returned as well just to realise it’s not as great as people told me when I complained about living abroad haha)
Guess the grass is always greener on the other side when we have the freedom of choice
I think there is a big disconnect between people like us who emigrate and actually live in other cultures (not just travel there for a week), and people who don't leave their home country, whatever that is. It's a matter of perspective. You cannot grasp what you haven't lived. And it's not about better or worse, right? It's about hardship and challenges, besides the good stuff. It's not like we emigrate to never have any hardship...
Thank you for the great post. As a TCK so much of this is relatable, what hit hardest were the "schisms" you describe so well, the loss of right to complain, to be unhappy or lonely, almost like a loss of empathy.
Thank you so much for reading, and I'm glad this resonated with you. There is definitely loss of empathy; some people cannot envision what it's like to migrate.
Absolutely! There's a hurtful sense of you almost being considered a traitor of sorts back home.
Also, the perception of those who stay that you're somehow doing a Scarface swimming in cash while snorting coke is so off the mark - in the case of the US, all of that is spent on achieving some semblance of a European quality of life (healthcare, education, living in a clean, safe area etc).
"I let myself dream because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew perfectly well that reality would hit me soon enough and I’d need to start looking for a job in my native country."
Ha, different countries and different story, but I relate to that.
Really? What country combination do you have?
Not as geographically or culturally distant as yours, but Belgium -> UK -> Belgium.
I heard that the reverse culture shock is quite a challenge when you move back to your country of origin. But I guess it depends on the time spent abroad.
The cultural differences in my case were small enough to not really be an issue, even after close to four years; the tricky thing was wrapping my head around some personal changes that came with it, almost as if going back was admitting defeat (which, in hindsight, wasn't true at all).
Ohh I see, well that's a bit part of it, isn't it? Even the expression we use: going *back* home. Glad to hear it all got sorted, since now you're sparkling, even if subtly. ;)
Nice one :).
I hope you found a place/situation where you feel neither homeless nor homesick.
This is a fascinating story about your experience emigrating to the US! It's interesting how you compare the initial "dream" of moving to a new country with the reality of the challenges you faced. I can see how exciting it must have been to get accepted to all those universities, but also how tough it must have been to leave everything behind. It's a great point about how people who haven't emigrated often don't understand the internal struggles of adapting to a new culture.
Thanks for reading my piece, Ayesha! Right, it's a mix of feelings from excitement to hardship, and those who never took that step might not get it.
“The paradox of the migrant: feeling homeless and homesick at the same time.” This is so true, I’m also homesick for a place that doesn’t exist!
Yeah, you know what I mean. :)
🫶🫶
So many great quotes in here Monica, here are two that really hit home:
"Having no social threads older than a few weeks or months. The different cultural norms and office politics. Learning the acceptable customs and especially what is unacceptable. All that is oversimplified. Loneliness is downplayed. All hardships are trivialized by the non-immigrants, in favor of economic opportunity. The mirage of having more money dwarfs any other hardship in the eyes of the ones who never left."
"The next biggest expectation is that you lose the right to complain. Reminiscing about our tribal times when a leaver was either endangered or pitied, you’re seen partly as a traitor and partly as the lucky bastard who got out."
Great post!
Thanks, Edward! Have you lived anywhere abroad, besides Ireland?
Wait, I just remembered from one of your articles that you did! Australia and Italy. Sorry, my memory failed me for a moment there... (Well, ok, I went back and I checked because there was something in the back of my mind that nudged me that I must have read you did live in other places) :)
That's right! It is a quite humbling experience in many ways, IMO, to be away from your homeplace.
It's true, the experience can be many things, and humbling is one of them, at times.
fabulous insight! Oh so much truth in your words! I think there is an added layer of luxury, luck AND internal conflict in considering your new home even BETTER than your original home.
Thanks, Barbs! Very good point, some people might experience some guilt, or that internal conflict, of being somewhere better. Do they even have the right to admit it? I know what you mean...
I could restack every sentence! Such incredible insights that are so similar to many I have heard.
Personally, When I complained I was told “we told you, come back life is better here” 🙄a very different experience leaving a country so many are trying to migrate to ( so I returned as well just to realise it’s not as great as people told me when I complained about living abroad haha)
Guess the grass is always greener on the other side when we have the freedom of choice
I think there is a big disconnect between people like us who emigrate and actually live in other cultures (not just travel there for a week), and people who don't leave their home country, whatever that is. It's a matter of perspective. You cannot grasp what you haven't lived. And it's not about better or worse, right? It's about hardship and challenges, besides the good stuff. It's not like we emigrate to never have any hardship...
Yess so well said! 🤩👏
Thank you for the great post. As a TCK so much of this is relatable, what hit hardest were the "schisms" you describe so well, the loss of right to complain, to be unhappy or lonely, almost like a loss of empathy.
Thank you so much for reading, and I'm glad this resonated with you. There is definitely loss of empathy; some people cannot envision what it's like to migrate.
Absolutely! There's a hurtful sense of you almost being considered a traitor of sorts back home.
Also, the perception of those who stay that you're somehow doing a Scarface swimming in cash while snorting coke is so off the mark - in the case of the US, all of that is spent on achieving some semblance of a European quality of life (healthcare, education, living in a clean, safe area etc).